Kingfisher: When the Hummingbird Turns Blue... Its as Cold as the Western Ghats!

Five hour bus ride from Ooty to Mysore this morning. Bus left at 7:30am, and arrived around 12:30pm. Started at 3000+ meters, down to about 790. Ears popped. Below freezing in the morning to 90ºF+ in the afternoon. As I write this at 9:00pm, it is 79ºF in our hotel room. We've become friends with reruns of “Friends.”

This evening, after a very good day of travel and visiting a local railroad museum where the Guinness world record for the oldest working steam powered locomotive on the planet (circa 1855) is housed, Claire and I really wanted a nice relaxing evening. What better way to relax than to have a cool beer and some finger chips (french fries) on the balcony of the Parklane Hotel's fabulous “Beer Garden” and restaurant. Now those of you who are kind enough to be keeping up with the blog may recall that I posted the sign of the week just yesterday. Forgive me for a possible retraction. As funny as the “Toe Away Zone” sign posted by the diligent Ooty Traffic Police may be, it in no way can best the menu at the Parklane. The following text is directly quoted from the menu at Parklane. Capitalization and punctuation have been preserved in this reproduction for your enjoyment and full appreciation of the moment we experienced as we read (past tense) our way through the restaurant's offerings, and yes the extensive verbosity in my introduction serves to set the mood for the the literary feast you are about to consume.

“Do not compare parklane

with other hotels

coz'

Parklane is parklane”

Coz' Parklane is parklane?!? Now that was just the first page we saw as we opened the menu... the appetizer, if you will. Parklane saved the best for last, however, listed on the back, post-dessert:

1) A gentle reminder that the dishes are prepared after

receiving the order and normally take twenty to

thirty minuets (sic) and for special dishes over forty five

minuets should be allowed.

One further note, the notation “sic” will not again be used in this post. All spelling, punctuation, and other seeming nonsense appears exactly as it did in the Parklane menu.

2) Dishes and liquor are subject to the availability of

Commodities.

3) We take pride in the quality and quantity of the dishes

and drinks served. Please do not bring in food and

drinks of any kind for consumptions.

4) We reserve the right to alter the rates without prior notice.

Sales Tax or any additional Taxes

will be charged extra for food and liquors.

5) Sales are strictly on cash basis or with major Credit Cards

Please do not embarrass us by requests for credit.

6) Disposable vomit Bags are available on request in

case of need, as a consideration to fellow diners.

Note: It is best to avoid excessive drinking.

There is always a next day to enjoy the drink.

7) We do our best to satisfy you. Please do bear

with our short comings inform us of same

“To err is human but to forgive is divine”. It is not

our intention to take advantage of your

satisfaction over a 'full tummy' or 'fuddle Headedness'I

May we request you to please check your bills and bring any

error that might have inadvertently occurred to our attention.

8) Any unauthorized alterations in the bill should be

brought to the attention of the management.

9) Type of music played will be sole choice of the

management. No music after 11:00 pm

10) Candle lamps for the table will be provided on request.

11) Last order for both food and drinks should be placed at 11:00 pm

The restaurant lights will be switched off soon after the bell is

rung at 11:30 pm

12) Person found in possession or consuming banned drugs

shall be reported to police authorities.

13) Restaurant will open from 7:00 am to 11:30 pm with out break.

Which one is your favorite?

Cheers!